It’s possible to lead a cow upstairs…

…but not downstairs.

A fascinating fact divulged to me by the unquestionable wisdom of the internet.

Now, this isn’t something I’d normally say, but today I’m going to advice any readers to follow this divine, bovine example. I think we should all be more like cows. That’s not to say that I advice people to attempt sticking their tongues up their own noses, or to produce sixty-five pounds of feaces a day. I just think that cows send us a terrific message about not allowing anyone to lead us down the proverbial stairs.

Of course, the only reason cows can’t walk down stairs is because their knees can’t bend properly and any further analysis of my metaphor will prove its complete inefficiency, so we’ll move right along and ignore the fact that I know more about cows than any normal teenager should.

So it’s been a month and two days since I last updated this blog, and if I know my readers (and I think I do), I’d say that none of you are the least bit interested in what I’ve been up to over the last four and a half weeks. Luckily for you, I’m far too lazy to try and fill you in, so I’ll try to sum it up nice and quick.

1. I’ve been house-hunting with the family for a few weeks now, because we’re finally financially secure enough to move out of this relatively small house (clearly, the global economic crisis hasn’t really hit home).

2. I’ve been attempting to excersise more because, while I’m at a perfectly healthy weight, I can’t delude myself any longer. I’m unfit. The continuing trend of being puffed out before almost anyone else in P.E. class has finally forced me to create a more intimate relationship with Mr. Treadmill.

3. Urinetown rehearsals are going strong, and we’re opening the show in just a month. I’m enjoying it at this point, and have gotten to know/actually enjoy the company of my cast-mates. We’re performing a scene for the entire student body (2000 students and a few hundred teachers) this Tuesday.

4. Two friends were in quarantine for swine flu last week (they’re fine now), and friends who were planning to go to Adelaide on music camp had their hopes dashed when Adelaide refused to accept students from Victoria on account of the pig virus. A good friend who now lives in Singapore was planning to visit us after a long time away, but changed plans due to the ridiculous panic surrounding the flu. Terrific.

5. I had mid-year exams a fortnight ago, and was really disappointed by the results. I managed to scrape together 64% on my maths exam; below the class average. I also received 74% on a science test. The class average was 86%. This was shocking, considering I’m usually the resident science geek in class, and it’s not a title I was in any hurry to relinquish. My first ever VCE exam however, went okay.

6. I MET JOHN GREEN! You”ll have to excuse the capitalization, but it really was exciting. John flew down here for a few days, and I went with my brother and a handful of his friends (because none of my friends have the foggiest idea who John Green is) to see him speak at the state library. He autographed two of my books, and was overall fantastic.

7. I’ve just been talking to my best friend from 4th grade over MSN. I haven’t made contact with anyone from that school for about five years, but it was nice to know that she still remembers me. She seems like a cool girl, and it’s strange to think how close we used to be.

8. The Monday after next marks the start of my work experience week. I’m working at my old primary school (not the one mentioned above, but one I moved to in 5th grade) with one of my best friends. I’m excited. The children are adorable, and the teachers are mostly familiar faces. It makes me feel all nostalgic and mushy.

9. There’s been a lot of drama at school that I’m not prepared to explain. The gist of it is that the aforementioned friend (who I’m working with) got into a lot of trouble – the kind of trouble I considered calling the police about, but abstained – and refused to talk to any of us about it. She was being hurt (may still be being hurt) by someone who she shouldn’t have been involved with, but she’s doing a fantastic job of pretending to be okay. Anyway, I’m really worried about her.

10. I’d really like to finish the list on a nice, even number, so I’ll mention that I had the day off of school today and spent it watching old movies (Dead Poet’s Society, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Chocolat, A Weekend at Bernie’s, Thelma & Louise) and being useless in general. I loved every minute of it.

That’s about it, and I have to apologize. I suppose I didn’t sum it up “nice and quick” after all. In any case, thank you for putting up with all of that self-indulgent blather. I’m going to make an effort to blog more regularly again, and try not to get so wrapped up in school/friends/my own fifteen-ness.

Goodnight, potatoes.